Well its been three or four days since I gotten upset last, so I guess I was do. I mean i'm not at the i'm gonna kill myself woe is me stage, but am upset none the less. Yeah it went down badly, and there was alot of shit that shouldn't have been done to take most of the blame off of my shoulders, but the fact that it still went the way it did is still upsetting and saddening. I may have vented to alot of people at times about my anger and "God she's annoying me" crap but I always ended up talking good about her and us. I never wanted to give the impression that the Kelley household was falling down, because I didn't want it too. I was incredibly happy with her, even though at the time we had a few minor problems. Thats what relationships are right. Happiness built upon the minor frustrations and problems of every day life, but together the two work as one to fix them, and help each other when one falls. No one is perfect, and yet the human race as a whole strives for it. No one is ever happy unless they fit into a certain image or mold. No one is happy with the basics. We always strive for the above and beyond, which isn't a bad thing, I do it as well, but I don't only strive for that. Its pointless because you can't always go above and beyond. You can't make anything perfect. Life isn't built for perfection.
I love her. I will always love her. But i'm in a flux of tryiing to understand. Things spun out of control really fast and violently, and now i'm in a time of reflection one would say. I had come across some pictures of her that I thought I had hidden away better, and I saw our smiles and how close we were...and yet I wonder. Was it real? Were we really that happy then? If we were, and we would somehow be able to sit down hash it out, get everything out, and I mean really get everything out (without all the hidden crap) maybe concider and possibly do some counsiling and therapy would we be able to get that way again? Would she be able to stop running long enough to see that running from problems will put you head first into another slew of problems that could end up being much worse than what you ran from? Yeah I cried again, and everyone is getting tired of seeing and reading about my woes and self torture over something everyone says I need to get away from and forget about, but it is much harder to do. Some people know this, and I was one of those on the other side who kept sayin you need to run. Quit putting yourself through this bullshit. Forget her she's worthless and you are much better. If it was me in your situation I wouldn't hesitate to get out and away from her crap. Why kill yourself over it? Well didn't I learn the hard way that its easier said then done, and we all gotta go through these types of things in our own ways. And this is mine. The ever wondering, ever questioning, and still always holding on because as much shit as I talk and whatever I say in the future I will always want another chance, and would gladly take it. Don't ask why I still feel this, and why I would be willing to go through something that could just as easily blow up again, because I don't know. Glutton for punishment? Possibly. But...but...
Nickleback ~ Photograph
Look at this photograph Everytime I do it makes me laugh How did our eyes get so red And what the hell is on Joey's head And this is where I grew up I think the present owner fixed it up I never knew we'd ever went without The second floor is hard for sneaking out And this is where I went to school Most of the time had better things to do Criminal record says I broke in twice I must have done it half a dozen times I wonder if It's too late Should i go back and try to graduate Life's better now then it was back then If I was them I wouldn't let me in Oh oh oh Oh god I Every memory of looking out the back door I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor It's hard to say it, time to say it Goodbye, goodbye Every memory of walking out the front door I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for It's hard to say it, time to say it Goodbye, goodbye Remember the old arcade Blew every dollar that we ever made The cops hated us hangin' out They say somebody went and burned it down We used to listen to the radio And sing along with every song we know We said someday we'd find out how it feels To sing to more than just the steering wheel Kim's the first girl I kissed I was so nervous that I nearly missed She's had a couple of kids since then I haven't seen her since god knows when Oh oh oh Oh god I Every memory of looking out the back door I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor It's hard to say it, time to say it Goodbye, goodbye Every memory of walking out the front door I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for It's hard to say it, time to say it Goodbye, goodbye I miss that town I miss the faces You can't erase You can't replace it I miss it now I can't believe it So hard to stay Too hard to leave it If I could I relive those days I know the one thing that would never change Every memory of looking out the back door I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor It's hard to say it, time to say it Goodbye, goodbye Every memory of walking out the front door I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for It's hard to say it, time to say it Goodbye, goodbye Look at this photograph Everytime I do it makes me laugh Everytime I do it makes me
posted by zefyur @ 4:09 AM,
