Not much to update at the moment. i'm pretty fuckin tired and just want to go back to bed, which is where i'm fixin to head off too. but i got some pics up for y'all so enjoy what little they are.
Esmeralda and her G-Spot (aka Garman)
aaahhh the new school. I was havin alot of trouble blowin her up from all the laughin myself and youngblood were doing while seeing this creature come to life for our dining pleasures.
a stadium the kuwaiti's are currently in the process of building. i'm tryin to get a better pic at the moment. but its a pretty nice lookin stadium from how close we usually get.
this pic is because of some fuckin retard that decided to drive around in circles really fast while something was on fire in the back of his truck. needless to say, retards are still as prominent in other countries as they are in the states.
some camel walkin beside us while we were headin north on one trip
the desert at night. i figured the damn moonlight would make it brighter, but apparently the desert is totally against having fucking light at night
During a sandstorm. I was probably about twenty yards away from those stone walls. we had gotten a really bad one about two nights ago to where you couldn't even see like 5 feet infront of ya.
but yeah. i'll get around to postin some lackluster events thats been goin on. just fuckin exhausted and my knee is killin me. till then you all keep safe. have fun, and have lots of sex!
peace and chicken grease
~frank the tank
posted by zefyur @ 1:58 AM,
,
sorry for no postings, i meant too yesterday,but i ended up banging this shit outta my knee and pretty much makin my night into a sit down and concentrate on not hurtin. i'll try to post again laterz. it might be awhile before i am able to post pics and shit because our stupid fuckin military connection blocked my sites that i use so i'll have to find another way. so yeah. try postin again laterz.
~frank the tank
posted by zefyur @ 7:22 AM,
,
well i'm sure it doesn't seem it but i've been tryin to avoid internet use alot as of late...at least as much as i can. just still so much going through my head...i think. just thoughts on angel...alot of peoples number one hated person. which i'm not gonna stop anyone from hating her, its everyone's own perogative on how they feel. i mean i know she doesn't like having people feel that way about her, who would. i know i would care if it was out of my select group, but other than that i really don't give two shits. fuck the rest of the world as one would say. but i'm straying her...i guess. alot of my thoughts have been on her as of late. which would probably piss specy off once he reads this, and i'm sorry dude, i still love her and would gladly take her back if she chose to come back to me. you know you're my boy, my friend, a heterosexual life partner if you would.
anyways i've been thinking alot on her. i've called her a couple times, had some really good conversations and such, and no i'm not letting those little things get my hopes all up in the air. its just nice things to have again. we know so much about each other, and we were always able to just sit there and talk about nothing in general and enjoy it. and thats what its been like. nothing really much to talk about, but we have talked and it was pretty good. quite enjoyable. i miss that. i miss her, and the relaxness i get when i loose myself because of her.
like i said i'm not lettin my hopes go sky high, or anywhere near that. now i am hoping for things, i won't lie, and i'm throwin a comment out there now and then to her hinting at such...well probably not hinting but as close as i can get without comin right out and sayin it...i think. i am hoping for...something. and it is with her. it would always be a hope for her.
~Frank the Tank
posted by zefyur @ 7:24 PM,
,
Rest...I think not!
Well my body hates me today...well mostly anything from the waste down. I decided to do a 5k run yesterday...and for those that know i have a profile against running, and have had such for the past three years or so. Well me doing this fucking st. patty's day run must've been one of the dumbest fucking decisions i've made in a long time. i did good on the run. don't get me wrong. for not running in three or so years i managed to run it in 29 minutes...so three miles in that amount of time isn't too bad i think for me. and the good part is was that i wasn't in alot of pain afterwards or during. besides my lungs crying out for a cigerrete to help them open up...or maybe screaming because i was tryin to smoke a cigerrete, either way that was my only real problem. Well lets just say tryin to get out of bed this morning was a fucking miracle. Besides my muscles killing me, my fucking knee is all swollen and pissed off all to hell...yeah, good job me. Lets do a fuckin 5k. While yer at it just take this rubber malet and smash yer balls because you are too fucking stupid to be raisin kids. So its gonna be an interestin day tryin to get around and jumpin in and out of trucks. and the funny thing is is that i'm prolly gonna do it again...and again and again. I'm determined to loose more weight and go back home lookin better than what i left. i've already lost 20 pounds last i checked which was a couple months ago, and it looks like i've lost a little bit more. i've put some muscle back on, so i'm headin in the right direction so far. i don't know why i care too, but i guess i gotta have some goal while bein out here. anyways i gotta go. good luck in SA specy with all your little wetankles. RC...some of your toys have come in very handy, and of course the GIT-R-DONE hat was just awesome. been wantin one. but yeah peace bitches.
till i bitch again
~frank the tank
posted by zefyur @ 7:36 PM,
,
well not much has gone on since...what was it the 11th? still travelin up and down kuwait alot, and hopefully will be stopping that soon, but it doesn't look like I got much of a chance of that happening. 6 out of nine days i've spent most of it at our headquarters camp, and that wasn't 6 in a row, that was like every other day just about. So i'd drive down, do my thing, drive back, do my thing here, then drive back down...so on and so forth. Sucks ass.
But anyways talked to family back home a couple days ago, and that was good. Bout an hour long conversation. My brother is goin through relationship issues, that his girl has been callin her x and hangin out with someone at nights. She doesn't say, she just says she's with her sister, but when he checked up on that, by actually drivin to her sisters, she wasn't there, and her sis never saw her and she wasn't at her parents. So they look to be on the outs cause she's a dumb fuckin slut who can't shut her fuckin legs. I've had wierd feelings bout her for quite sometime now and her sluttin ways are provin me right, but I never told my bro anything. I'm just like, I can feel your pain dude and don't let it get to ya. Ditch the bitch and move on. So he's hurtin, from what my ma says, but acts cool and unharmed when talkin to me. So its gonna be an interesting scenario when I go home in June, if she's still around. I might just have to lay a verbal beating on her...i'm pretty good at that from what i'm told.
So yeah really no other problems back on that front. Which sucks, but then again he's gonna have to learn at some point. This is pretty much his first serious relationship since he's started to try to straighten himself out and start growing up. So it does suck big time for him because she was there for alot of it, but most women are evil and they have their own agenda.
posted by zefyur @ 1:25 AM,
,
FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!! God I wish something highly explosive would be lobbed over into my direction. Just end my pain and fucking stupidity, so I can stop constantly hurting myself over and over and over again. God! Fuck!! I hate my life! I hate myself! Fuck I hate love! Its filled with nothing but falseness and total let down! I'm on the phone at the moment with guess who??? I'll give ya a sec.........................
Yeah. Its Angel. I decided to call her, for some fucking reason. I wish I knew, I really did so I can go ahead and fucking stab myself or hell chamber a round and blow the back of my head off!!
Why does love do this to people?? Why do I keep doing this to myself? God I love her voice. Especially when she laughs, and she does this cute little childlike voice. Makes me want to cry out to her and hold her and just fucking....AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
I hate my life. I just wish things were different...or...FUCK!!!
GODDAMNIT I LOVE HER!!! I CAN'T HAVE HER!!!! WHY CAN'T I GET OVER HER!!!! Why can't those fuckin Iraq's just come and kill me to help me out of this mysery I have found myself in and am having too much trouble getting out of...
posted by zefyur @ 8:42 AM,
,
Well we dropped off Zimmerman...Tracy as I shall refer to her from now on in any other posts. Garman and I took her south for her to get ready for her flight back to the states...It was very sad indeed. I mean, I never saw her back when we were stateside. I stuck to my own...chatted with people every now and then, and left for home when released, and drank my ass off till I had to go back to work. So I never made time to had friends. I mean with everything going on in my life at that time I didn't want any friends. I was in the midst of a relationship that I was tryin to fix...hell a fuckin marriage I was tryin to fix...and I was having bad times with various friends because of it. So I didn't want anyone else to be burdened with my problems, and I really didn't want anyone to bother me. I was content being by myself, and trying to kill myself every day with various pills and four or so bottles of whisky and vodka a week. I didn't give a shit. So yeah, but coming here, we all had no choice but to make friends or be miserable with each other. Now Tracy and I didn't hit it off too well. She was upset about bein this far from her son and family, and I was upset about bein this far from Angel after we started to, seemingly, put our marriage back together and fix things. Well after a little head butting and everyone feeling each other out, we became decent friends, and later better friends...at least thats how I felt. I really did like her and havin her around. She was good for a laugh, and put up with my ridiculous perverted comments, and occasional flirty ways...why? I'm not sure, didn't care. I was making people laugh with my childlike ways and to me thats all that mattered. I was able to help keep people's minds off of situations they had goin on for a brief moment, and get them to laugh at my expense. But today....or 10 March if I don't get this posted today...We had to leave one of our own behind. It was very sad. I understand the circumstances, and I wish for the best. I hope she faces no problems along her way. But I, and Garman, weren't ready to see her go. To Garman, besides being a good person, she was a damn good soldier, and he liked that. He said he hadn't seen anyone as squared away and motivated and all around good at being themselves and Army in a long time. For me, it was a good distraction. For certain moments out of the day, I didn't have to think of home(s), my mystery future, my woes, my sorrows, my saddness at a life with the one I love and a hopeful family that I'll never get to have....I was able to break the shell of pitty and despair and be myself and was at ease about it. And in my head, as well, I didn't want her to leave until we do. We were all a family, disgruntled, and sometimes hateful, but in the end we were all a family. But Life goes on, and so we march. I hope to keep in touch with her. I would say I hope to see her again, but in the military nothing is for certain, and it would be hard to hope for something like that. Keeping in touch is good enough for me. Its all anyone can ask for.
So yeah, the drive home was pretty uneventful. Garman and I didn't talk much. We talked a little bit about families, and about how he and his wife were tryin to plan about the future, and how they were thinkin on having another child or adopting. I personnally don't see why they would, they got three good kids, and wouldn't you want peace for a little while when you get older, but I have a feeling they just aren't ready to let go of the parenting and raising yet. Which I know is hard for some parents, the good ones, to do. And that got me thinking of when I would, if I would, get to feel such things. I know i'm only 24, or soon to be, and I should be spending my twenties having fun and partyin but really in essense I could care less. I've been growing up and having to do more adult things for a decade or so now because of problems at home, and I really have done enough partyin and playin and enjoyin the loneliness that life can bring to those that just spend it frivolessly. I want stability really....I wouldn't mind being a parent. Yeah it'll be a challenge, because I still got a little bit more maturing to do, but really you never know how you handle situations until you are thrusted into it. Which is why I always get pissed off when people ask me what I would do, or what do I have planned about such an occasion. I tell everyone I don't know till I'm there. And I won't know, but I have a feeling that I would excel...and I want to. I want to be the loving husband my father, I want to be the caring father that I didn't recieve. I want to take care of that family to come home to and do things with. We don't all live for ever, and I have abused my body to alot of limits and still do gladly and will do in June when I go home, and will do even more so come whenever I make it back to the states for good. But while here, I want to be something I never had, I want to have something that many people take for granted and throw away. I want to show and prove that I can be all those things and handle it, and be the best.
Yeah. I am in a slump again. I am teary eyed, I am beaten. I want the pain to go away. Why do I hurt so much about something that was so easily given up by someone else. Hell she said she would never forget me, and would keep in touch but its been like two weeks since I even got an email. I usually send her one like every other day or so, and it takes me like callin her, if I get the balls, to get a reply on an email...Why do I care so much still. Why do I still feel the need to try to prove something to her, to fight for something I thought we had....I still cry myself to sleep on some nights. I can't look at her pictures anymore...I wear my ring around my necklace because it got to a point to where if I felt it on my hand I would cry. And yet I still want it...I still want her. Why? Why can't I get passed this and get over it? Why do I still love her after everything she has put me through? Why do I still believe I would gladly take her back if she asked me too? I just want that one thing...that special someone...and to not feel this way when it comes to them...but I am killing myself over this person...and I am alone. Like alot of us up here. I am alone. Alone and sober...two things I have a hard time dealing with, and no cure in sight.
Frank The Tank
posted by zefyur @ 6:46 AM,
,
Well it is thursday, and that means I am finally at the end of my long week. Tomorrow I get off, which is a blessing in and of itself...somewhat. The Buehring crew are loosing apart of our disgruntled family. CPL Zimmerman, who hasn't been mentioned here on the tree but who is good people, will be leaving the camp, then Kuwait, and eventually the military. All on good terms I assure you, nothing at all wrong, just the fact that she is as we say to her, abandoning us. I will miss her. She was a good distraction from the turmoils back home, and a steady person to talk to when Garman wasn't around. There was nothing more than good honest friendship between us, and thats all that I wanted. Just someone to joke with, and be able to talk to, which we didn't do as often as I'd liked, because I was more at ease when joking (as everyone who know's me can attest...or at least everyone who knows me well enough.). It will suck to loose a member of our family. We had all been together for the past three months (god I can't believe its been that long all ready), and through all the turmoil and anger we give each other, we finally loose our first member, and an integral one at that. I wish all the happiness for her and her family, and will always think kindly on her.
Now I hear that Specy is finally in San Antonio, and that that little no drivin, dickless wonder had tire problems. Well what a fuckin VD infested jewish abortion. God damn can't he do anything right, I'm surprised he was able to pop the question! HEY SPECY! QUIT BEIN THE DOUCHEBAG OF LIFE!!!
Just kiddin, just felt like typin shit because I never had the chance to call him while he was out on the road, and I know he's gonna give me hell when I do call him tonight. So this will be a type of payback when the actionfigure dick can actually get on the internet. I'm glad he made it safe, I am...curious on why he went all the way to New Orleans (from the sounds of it) but I guess everyone has to go a different way through life. But at least he made it, and didn't get raped by some wandering Katrina survivor looking for a piece of man meat to freshen their day. Cause Spec's a bitch like that and seems like the type to just up and offer his ass to any man....fuckin fag.
So yeah, Queeny I hope you are copin well. It'll suck for some time, but i'm sure you guys will be better at it than some people I know. At least you got some good peeps there to distract ya, and keep you company. But yer always welcome to email me or what not. I won't be too vulgar in case Specy hacks into your emails. I'll just send some good details on....................
Kiddin spec.....
Fag.
Anyways Peace out bitches. Type more later....maybe....no promises. Gonna go smoke my hooka, play some 360, maybe touch myself a bit...who knows...who cares....I got tomorrow off and I'll do whatever. But yeah, gotta go. Maybe I'll type up my little sex chat with Specy later. I'm sure he'll want to have phone sex or somethin with someone, so I'll try to beat RC to the punch....or maybe we can do a threeway????? The possibilities are endless
Frank the Tank
posted by zefyur @ 2:35 AM,
,
So last night was our brigade dining in, as well as our recieval of our combat badge. It was a decent dining in...at least as good as it could be. I mean, pretty much all these events are is everyone forced to go to make fools of themselves in an attempt to entertain the bigwigs, and make them believe moral is actually higher than what it is. And that was pretty much the jist of it last night, but for me it was still good to see some of the people I haven't seen since leaving Ft. Lewis.
Our Chief and I had a skit to do as Hanz and Franz from SNL...the two fuckers that worshipped Schwartzenegger (i think thats how its spelt), but yeah by far we were the best skit of the night. We wore alot of clothing to make us look all buff and bulky and since Maryland I had grown and adapted my Arnold voice to almost perfection, and the chief was pretty good at it too. Everyone had loved us, and pretty much all the skits before us, and definitly the two that went on after us sucked major fuckin donkey dick. I didn't get any pictures personnaly as my camera had died, but I do know some people that took pictures and will try to get what I can to post up on here so you can see some of the event...but no promises.
It was good to recieve a combat badge. It makes me actually feel like I am doing something, that I am worth something...somewhat a meaningful existense. Unlike my other commands, nothing meant against Specy, but it seemed everyone above he and I were all about backstabbing and subliminally making people feel useless, incompetent and like shit. This is my first command, go figure my first real full Army command, that I actually feel like I am doing something with my life. It only took me five years and alot of trauma to get to this point. But truly in essense it has alot to do with Specy, as he had stuck his neck out for me on more occasions then I deserved in Maryland. As I was getting in trouble on an almost a daily basis, and taking out my personanel problems on those at work. I should have gotten much more negativity back, and probably should be out of the military now, but if he didn't do alot of the things behind the curtains that he did, I wouldn't be here, growing and maturing, and hopefully becoming a better soldier. For that Specy, I love ya man, and I thank you. Maybe one day I'll get to serve under ya (maybe literally) and make up for Maryland...(hints at pulling strings to bring me down to Texas....whistles). Anyways I gotta head to work, peace out bitches. I love ya Specy, RC I miss ya man you lanky sumbitch. Watch that horse dick when you turn, don't need to clothesline someone with it. MRLF??? Hope I get to hang with ya and know ya better when I get back. And our favorite little Fanatic Cock Dancer....what can I say about this one...Dance girl Dance. But be more vocal about it when I call. I don't believe the emotion bein presented.
Peace and Chicken Grease
~Frank The Motha Fuckin Tank
posted by zefyur @ 7:25 PM,
,
Don't really know where i'm goin with this post. Just been sittin around lately, and we all know what happens when you have too much time to do nothin....you think. And I have been, a little on current events, a little on where I'm at now, a little on where I could go from here...random thoughts, questions, wonders.I don't really know. I'm slowly but surely picking myself up, putting myself back together, I hate being weak, vulnerable, and in pain. I am usually good about putting on that face, that mask, a disguise if you would, to show everyone something else they want to see. Because everyone likes a happy me rather than the down and out me...hell that goes for everyone. Why would you want to constantly be around someone who is always crying and worrying...(thinks a bit on that comment). Everyone has their reasons, and depending on circumstances everyone makes do with those events at some point in their life because of who that other is that we are trying to be there for. But in the end, for me solely, I hate being that way. I am not a cry baby. I am not a sniveling little brat that is always trying to make things better with their tears. I want to believe that if it can be fixed then it'll happen no matter what frame of mind I am in.
So I pick myself up and begin my trudging on.
Did I take things for granted. I believe so. There were things I could've done better...but in the end I didn't, and as well I wouldn't fix any of them, because changing anything could drastically change another. I am at this point in my life because of all the decisions I made, and with that thought I am happy with myself. I have grown much since graduation from highschool, moving out of my ma's house, from doing all the drugs and other acts that our young generation did and still do. I wouldn't be me if I changed anything. And with that I feel that that is one of the main problems with people now a days. Everyone is always looking back, and wondering if they had changed a certain event, or thing, what would life be like. We are always looking back, so when that something good comes along we don't see it until it passes us by. Why do we do this in essense? I wish I knew...I have found myself recently up to this. Looking at past encounters and events wondering where I would be and who I would be if I did something a little differently. And yes the thoughts are appealing, but in the end we would all end up missing the importance of the now and the what is too come. Isn't that what is supposed to be the appealing thought, the draw of life? The future. We all know where we've come from, but are we that afraid of where we are going that we blind ourselves with our past to try to hide our futures. I surely don't want to do this, but again I have had a hard time fighting the thoughts. So many questions that I probably don't need to know the answers too...or maybe if such events and things were supposed to be, then they would find themselves to me again. The future is such a complex entity of itself that it inspires, excites and scares me all at the same time. There are things I plan on picking up and doing once I get back to the states now. I am getting myself physically fit again, at the same time of getting myself mentally and emotionally fit. I'm trying to not look back as much as possible. I still will, and I'll end up writing jumbled blogs as I'm sure this has turned out to be, but hopefully when i do those images will push me that much harder into the unknown of what life is supposed to be. A series of random events that in the end define us all.
Fort Minor - Right Now Lyrics
Someone right now is leaving their apartment
Looking down at the street, wondering where there car went
Someone in the car sitting at a signal
In front of a restaraunt, staring through the window
at someone right now with their finger in their teeth
Who could use a little floss right across the street
there's somebody on the curb who really needs a jacket
spent half the rent at a bar getting plastered
Now he gotta walk fourteen blocks
to work at a shop where he's about to get fired.
Someone right now is looking pretty tired
Staring at a laptop trying to get inspired
Somebody living right across the street
She wrote the best things she's written all week
but her best friends coughing up blood in the sink
Can't even think what happened, feeling so confused
And he knows it looks bad but there's nothing he can do
I wonder what it's like to be right there in his shoes
[Chorus]
But no I'm just taking it in
Out the window of a hotel bedroom again
Tommorrow I'll be gone I don't know when I'll be back
But in this world everything can change just like that,
Like that
Yo somebody right now is dropping his vote inside a box
And trying not to get shot in his throat
For the act of freedom right now somebody is stuck in Iraq
Hoping that he gets shipped back breathing
in a war that he's not really sure of the reasons
So we show our support when the press mislead them
Though we more then remain proud and salute the troops
get some I know you boys got some work to do
Meanwhile right now someones 25 to life
And is standing on the corner with their thumb up hitchiking
Stratching off a lotto ticket hoping for a real winner
Sneaking through the border just to work and to eat a real
dinner
Right now someone wishes they were you were not
instead of second guessing freedom thoughts of quiet suicide
But right now I'm staring at the window at a frame
with holes in his arm and holes in his jeans
he pulled out his ciggerette sparked the light
And walked right around the corner just outta my sight
But yo I'm just taking it in
From the second story hotel window again,
The TV's on, and my bags are packed,
But in this world everything can change just like that,
Like that
[Repeat]
Ya right now somebody sitting in the darkness
Trying to figure out how to put some heat in their apartment
But they got a little matress and a little carpet
And they appreciate it 'cause some people on a park bench
You see them when you rushing to get to the office
wife robbed blind when she coming from the market
Right now somebody coming out from the pocket
Trying to dump that rock they run around the block with at
The same time the cops is raising the block with aim
To fill your legs and back with some hot shit
Right now somebody struggling to stop this man
Who's kick and punching and cussing at the doctors
Down the hall the child taking his first breath
The doctors ain't even passed him to the nurse yet yo
I wonder if he understands what it's worth yet
Like the time spent while we here on the earth yet
The answer to the question that we all seek
can be found depend on how free y'all think
Right now it's somebody who ain't eat all week
That would kill for the shit that you throw away in the street
I guess ones mans trash is the next mans treaure
One mans pain is the next mans pleasure
one say infinity the next say forever
right now erbody got to get it together man
I'm just taking it in another strange hotel lobby again
Put my luggage on my back I don't know where I'm at
I'm in world where we all change just like that,
Like that, like that, just like that, like that, just like that
Just like that, Just like that
[Repeat]
posted by zefyur @ 2:47 PM,
,