Don't really know where i'm goin with this post. Just been sittin around lately, and we all know what happens when you have too much time to do nothin....you think. And I have been, a little on current events, a little on where I'm at now, a little on where I could go from here...random thoughts, questions, wonders.I don't really know. I'm slowly but surely picking myself up, putting myself back together, I hate being weak, vulnerable, and in pain. I am usually good about putting on that face, that mask, a disguise if you would, to show everyone something else they want to see. Because everyone likes a happy me rather than the down and out me...hell that goes for everyone. Why would you want to constantly be around someone who is always crying and worrying...(thinks a bit on that comment). Everyone has their reasons, and depending on circumstances everyone makes do with those events at some point in their life because of who that other is that we are trying to be there for. But in the end, for me solely, I hate being that way. I am not a cry baby. I am not a sniveling little brat that is always trying to make things better with their tears. I want to believe that if it can be fixed then it'll happen no matter what frame of mind I am in.
So I pick myself up and begin my trudging on.
Did I take things for granted. I believe so. There were things I could've done better...but in the end I didn't, and as well I wouldn't fix any of them, because changing anything could drastically change another. I am at this point in my life because of all the decisions I made, and with that thought I am happy with myself. I have grown much since graduation from highschool, moving out of my ma's house, from doing all the drugs and other acts that our young generation did and still do. I wouldn't be me if I changed anything. And with that I feel that that is one of the main problems with people now a days. Everyone is always looking back, and wondering if they had changed a certain event, or thing, what would life be like. We are always looking back, so when that something good comes along we don't see it until it passes us by. Why do we do this in essense? I wish I knew...I have found myself recently up to this. Looking at past encounters and events wondering where I would be and who I would be if I did something a little differently. And yes the thoughts are appealing, but in the end we would all end up missing the importance of the now and the what is too come. Isn't that what is supposed to be the appealing thought, the draw of life? The future. We all know where we've come from, but are we that afraid of where we are going that we blind ourselves with our past to try to hide our futures. I surely don't want to do this, but again I have had a hard time fighting the thoughts. So many questions that I probably don't need to know the answers too...or maybe if such events and things were supposed to be, then they would find themselves to me again. The future is such a complex entity of itself that it inspires, excites and scares me all at the same time. There are things I plan on picking up and doing once I get back to the states now. I am getting myself physically fit again, at the same time of getting myself mentally and emotionally fit. I'm trying to not look back as much as possible. I still will, and I'll end up writing jumbled blogs as I'm sure this has turned out to be, but hopefully when i do those images will push me that much harder into the unknown of what life is supposed to be. A series of random events that in the end define us all.
Fort Minor - Right Now Lyrics
Someone right now is leaving their apartment
Looking down at the street, wondering where there car went
Someone in the car sitting at a signal
In front of a restaraunt, staring through the window
at someone right now with their finger in their teeth
Who could use a little floss right across the street
there's somebody on the curb who really needs a jacket
spent half the rent at a bar getting plastered
Now he gotta walk fourteen blocks
to work at a shop where he's about to get fired.
Someone right now is looking pretty tired
Staring at a laptop trying to get inspired
Somebody living right across the street
She wrote the best things she's written all week
but her best friends coughing up blood in the sink
Can't even think what happened, feeling so confused
And he knows it looks bad but there's nothing he can do
I wonder what it's like to be right there in his shoes
[Chorus]
But no I'm just taking it in
Out the window of a hotel bedroom again
Tommorrow I'll be gone I don't know when I'll be back
But in this world everything can change just like that,
Like that
Yo somebody right now is dropping his vote inside a box
And trying not to get shot in his throat
For the act of freedom right now somebody is stuck in Iraq
Hoping that he gets shipped back breathing
in a war that he's not really sure of the reasons
So we show our support when the press mislead them
Though we more then remain proud and salute the troops
get some I know you boys got some work to do
Meanwhile right now someones 25 to life
And is standing on the corner with their thumb up hitchiking
Stratching off a lotto ticket hoping for a real winner
Sneaking through the border just to work and to eat a real
dinner
Right now someone wishes they were you were not
instead of second guessing freedom thoughts of quiet suicide
But right now I'm staring at the window at a frame
with holes in his arm and holes in his jeans
he pulled out his ciggerette sparked the light
And walked right around the corner just outta my sight
But yo I'm just taking it in
From the second story hotel window again,
The TV's on, and my bags are packed,
But in this world everything can change just like that,
Like that
[Repeat]
Ya right now somebody sitting in the darkness
Trying to figure out how to put some heat in their apartment
But they got a little matress and a little carpet
And they appreciate it 'cause some people on a park bench
You see them when you rushing to get to the office
wife robbed blind when she coming from the market
Right now somebody coming out from the pocket
Trying to dump that rock they run around the block with at
The same time the cops is raising the block with aim
To fill your legs and back with some hot shit
Right now somebody struggling to stop this man
Who's kick and punching and cussing at the doctors
Down the hall the child taking his first breath
The doctors ain't even passed him to the nurse yet yo
I wonder if he understands what it's worth yet
Like the time spent while we here on the earth yet
The answer to the question that we all seek
can be found depend on how free y'all think
Right now it's somebody who ain't eat all week
That would kill for the shit that you throw away in the street
I guess ones mans trash is the next mans treaure
One mans pain is the next mans pleasure
one say infinity the next say forever
right now erbody got to get it together man
I'm just taking it in another strange hotel lobby again
Put my luggage on my back I don't know where I'm at
I'm in world where we all change just like that,
Like that, like that, just like that, like that, just like that
Just like that, Just like that
[Repeat]
posted by zefyur @ 2:47 PM,
4 Comments:
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At 2:58 AM,
The Devil said...
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"Did I take things for grantred. I believe so."
Well, everyone feels like this at some time or another. You think, what could I have done better? Or all this other stuff underlying, what you could have been thankful for. But you know what, that saying may be cliche, but it's true. You never know what you have until it is gone. Your life will take the path that is your destiny. No matter how much you may think or wish things were differently, it would change you drastically. The way you are now, is the way you were meant to be. We all have to experience pain and loss. It's what makes us human, and fragile creatures. I know you must have an abundance of time to think in retrospect, but hindsight is always 20/20 and the future is always mirred and foggy. You wont know what the purpose of all your experiences in life will succumb to, until you're done. Don't worry. You have a group of fans back here, awaiting your safe return. We all love you! And we hope that you are doing well.
Take care, Mike. Seriously. You only got number one to worry about, now. -
At 2:58 AM,
The Devil said...
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OOps....I meant granted.....lol....
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At 7:22 AM,
all we are is a spec in life said...
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Well randay, Since you whined and bitched about me not including you in the package I sent Mike because I when I go to get ahold of you, oh yeah you are at your girls 6 days a week and enver want to leave so... I WILL NOT SHOW YOU HOW TO DO SHIT CAUSE MIKE AND I ARE LOVERS, NOT YOU AND HIM!!!
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At 9:15 AM,
zefyur said...
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hehe. ah my two little bickering boys, how i must ram your stank little buttholes to put you back in your places when I return...oh yes...back in place.
but yeah, thanks for the words MRLF???. I'm really glad to have you all, and wish I get a chance to get to know you better (other than readin a blog) and hang out with you at least a little at some point when i officially come back. who knows. can't foresee, but i will look forward to such occasions anyways. But at the moment, I am tryin to think and concentrate more on myself. Its hard, but i'm tryin to find a focus everyday and push forward, which its starting to get a little easier so I guess thats some progress. But anyways before this turns into a fuckin blog in and of itself, thanks for your reply, and guys...fellas....gentlemen among gentlemen...no bickering, you are both equally my bitches and you should take pride in that...not everyone is as lucky as y'all to get a frequent free ride on space mountain. WOOOOOOOO!