my rusted tree

okay i've had a few people ask whats goin on, and instead of replyin individually...or at least to the majority, i'm just gonna post whats all goin on, and just wait for any reprecussions that come my way.

as r.c. and spec know, there's been this one girl that i have been talkin too. she's been tryin to talk to me about everything thats been goin through my head, as i do have some bad days up here, where i'm not the cheerful joking playin person everyone knows me to be, and these past two weeks i've been more or less not that person. i have my moments, but they are far and few between. so she's been hangin around with me more, and we've been talking more. about my problems and hers, (as with every person in the military, we all seem to have relationship problems). but like i said we've been talkin alot. durin work, some days after work, till whenever one of us calls it quits for the night. its been good. havin someone else to talk to. not just having a female to talk to, but someone else with a different perspective and view on what i have goin on. which is what i think i've been needin, i mean besides the few of you who read this (namely my boys and there girls), there's only two people who really know what is goin on and truly how i feel on my situation. gspot and peevler duece. g is pretty much the type says i just need to go out and hit anything that moves and be done with it. you know, hit it quit it....which is i guess a usually viable option, but really not one i'm interested in. i'm as perverted and as sex hungry as they come, but i really have no interest of throwin myself out there. just really doesn't do it for me. but anyways, thats his stance on it. peevduece doesn't really have much of a stance. he makes his jokes, but retracts. as he doesn't really have much experience himself to go off of, he just mostly lends that friendly ear, and has stated as such. so i've been talkin to her, sharing stories of our pains and woes. its been good. havin someone else to talk to.

so thursday comes along. and she comes to hang out with our lil group, and we are all havin a good time. spec would know if he remembered me from wednesday. but yeah we are all goofin, watchin tv, havin a good time. and she and country get up to go pee and he ends up kinda givin her a playful push and she falls to where im sittin. and those who know me know how awkward i can get, so i'm just tryini to make my wise comments and jokes, make sure she's good, and help her up. and she kisses me...on the lips...

so yeah. so okay, i'll say here, that i do find her attractive, and i am finding myself for having feelings for her, but i have been focusing more on friendship and handling other matters, as that is alot more stuff i feel i don't need to get into. but...i don't know...my head immediately kicked into full, and i didn't know what to think...but i did loose control of myself...i really didnt want it to stop. i liked it. but it did, and my head immediately went somewhere. i just know i didn't know what to do so i vanished, smoked thought and went to a friends room to chat. cool my head off you know...so yeah. everyone was pissed that i dissapeared, mostly her, but peevduece and country didn't know what was goin on cause i told them how i've been handling everything else so far, and how bad my head is spinning....but yeah. nothing happened, its just people bein concerned i guess. but yeah i end here. gotta go amuse a colonel.

peace and chicken grease