my rusted tree

well, its been like what....20 some odd days since i previously came here to let you poor souls into what is goin on in my life and head. heh. such sporadic posting on my part, and my apologies to those that do check in from time to time to be pissed off that i have yet to post and contact them in at least with this avenue since i'm bad at doin it through other means. but yeah. whatever.

anyways. i looked back at my last post to try to get some idea on where to go with this, as i'm not sure where to start. and low and behold...not one fuckin help. how'd i see that comin. so i will just try typin and we'll see what comes up with hopes that this will not be a complete waste of time for everyone.

well leave has officially come and gone, two months...or two and a half months. somethin like that and here i am in the trenches tryin to keep my sanity for the last four. angel and i have been talking, and have been working towards getting back together come the end of this tour, and movin her out to washington. now i am very excited and happy about this, cause i guess for my own sake and sanity i wanted at least one more chance at this. one more time to see if things could work. so that way i can be honest with myself and everyone when i say that i tried. for all that it was worth, i tried. so as i get closer, her and i talk more. and good talks. alot more talking since my visit in june, then when i lived there last year. so we've been sharing more. talking through things. discussing things. tryin to figure each other out. and with each passin week, i think we come to a better understanding of each other and why some things happened the way they did, when they did. now am i putting my hopes into this? i have to. at least a little bit. while i am still wary that things can fall through between now and then, cause lets face it. we've all seen that when it comes close to the time where she is set to go and leave d.c. ...at some point, she'll change her mind on all situations and stay in the safety zone. now i'm not tryin to bash her, or say anything with a negative light. but i am honest, and am tryin to be wary for my own sake. she has come close to moving quite a few times since i left last year. and each time, something would either fall through or she'll change her mind...or something. so will it happen again? will our relationship not get that chance to try to flourish where many others would have called it quites long ago? i hope so. the way things are now, it is quite a strong possibility that she'll move, and we could make things work. but i still have another three to four months left before i get to head home. how will things be then? will the strain of distance pull her away again like it happened times before? who's to say...i mean really. all i can do is hope. hope for the best, prepare for the worst. thats all anyone can ever do for themselves, their lives.

so i haven't gotten to talk to anyone that i mean to, and would like too. and that is all on my own fault and i apologize for that. i've said many times that hey, i'm gonna call. and something happens, and i don't, or i'm just too tired and don't feel up to it, or i'll get caught up in a game or something. but to spec and rc i promise, at somepoint, i will call y'all. sorry to have such bad communication abilities, but whatcha gonna do? i mean really.

anyways i must close this out. country and i are headin out to the gym, and i gotta start my laundry soon after. so you all be safe and stay tuned. i'll try to post again...at least change the song. i'm all ready tired of it...which is sad, but eh. whatever.

peace and chicken grease